I Kissed Porn Goodbye: Roo’s Salvation Story

Hello Royalty!

My….! It feels so good to be back here right now. I haven’t blogged in a week and I feel so bad about it. I apologize for my silence also and I hope you forgive me.

I remember telling you that Friday posts for February would be centered on Salvation stories. This particular one ought to have come last week but stuff happened; I needed some bodily rest and check up. But yes, I’m very fine now.

I hope you enjoy this post and learn from it as much as I have.

Read to the end o! *wink*

MY SALVATION STORY

It all started when I was 5. It was break time in school and for the first time, I played football with a group of boys, even though I injured my knee almost immediately because I fell.

From that day, it became a daily thing for me, which was on one hand, molding me to act like a boy but as a child, I didn’t see it that way. I thought I was growing like every other child. I led march pasts and kept acting like a boy. In all of this, I used to steal and my parents beat heaven and hell out of me. Funny enough, it really didn’t change anything. I still stole from them. Well, as at Primary 5 I was already acting totally like a boy. It became part of me and I embraced it.

After my Primary 5, I travelled and was so happy that I was finally going to get into Secondary School when I get back from my trip. During the break, I had 2 encounters that made my life take a bad turn and trust me, I didn’t like the turn my life took but I could do nothing about it.

One of the encounters goes thus: before I begin, bear in mind that I loved video games and was very addicted to it. So during the break, I was playing football in front of my grandma’s house and my cousin called me to one of my aunt’s house to play some games. When we got there, he told me that his friend was bringing the game and we should watch a movie. My cousin’s friend joined us and soon, the movie took a sudden turn but I didn’t understand what was going on. I was just 10 years old. I wasn’t sharp enough to know that it was porn; I began enjoying it but wasn’t aroused at all. Then, my cousin decided to excuse himself.

I was left with the friend and we were both sitting in different chairs then all of a sudden I realized that he was sitting on the hand of my chair. Before I knew what was happening, he started touching me. I warned him that I wasn’t comfortable with what he was doing but he never spoke a word. We started struggling and I was really using everything I had to fight him until I shouted his name then he let me go. It was then I realized that I was about to be raped. I immediately left the house and went back to my grandma’s house; I didn’t talk to anyone. I just walked straight back.

***

Still recovering from my first encounter, I was sent on an errand to that same aunt’s house.  I got to my aunt’s house and the person I was sent to wasn’t around, so I started my journey back to my grandma’s house to relay the message that I didn’t see who I was sent to. On my way, a man called me. He sent me to buy him some groundnut. I did that, but when I got back to his house, he wasn’t outside anymore. I then knocked and he told me to come in; he offered me a seat and some drink but I refused. He then walked towards me and tried touching me but I resisted his touch. I told him I had to go and he let me after asking me where I live, but he gave a time limit to come back and shockingly, he came looking for me in front of my grandma’s house. I didn’t go out again, at least no till I got back to my house in Lagos.

On getting back to Lagos, I was a different person without knowing. I was already looking for ways to watch porn but wasn’t able to because I had no device. I got into Secondary School when I got back and while in school, I was totally acting like a boy and I started getting attracted to girls. It was catching up on me in the sense that I even summoned the courage to ask a girl that if I were a boy, would she go out with me. She laughed and told me no. I never knew I was becoming bisexual, in the sense that I still had feelings for guys. I went through Secondary School liking her unknowingly but also having different male crushes. About 3 years after, I was already watching porn through different mediums. I was watching porn but I was very careful in how and when I watched porn. I was able to know certain people that had it and where they hid it in their devices. I literally searched every device I could just hunting for porn

In the midst of this, I was still stealing, not just from my parents but also people around me. I stopped when one of my step-brothers flogged me with a wire so fat. I couldn’t believe my eyes. He folded the very thick wire into four and flogged stealing out of it. Around that time, I gave my life to Christ and couldn’t believe how such an experience led me into giving my life to Christ. But I was still watching porn even after this experience.

I went to a new Secondary School. Somehow, I had forgotten about my little male and female crushes. Well, moving on, I started craving for sex due to my addiction for porn. I didn’t know what I was doing but I was just doing it (looking for love in weird, wrong places). I cut my hair in JSS3 and met this guy at the barbing salon; he seemed so sweet about everything. I don’t know how he did it. He told me a lot of things about himself and I started ‘falling’ for him. I joined 2go and that was the beginning of the end. I started sex-chatting with various people. Some of them taught me how to masturbate and taught me a lot of things about sex. I was 13 or 14 (I really can’t remember). Well, I met some guy at that point in time when I had the other guy from the salon and 2go was confusing my brain. This new guy was quite old and I didn’t mind because he was meeting my needs, which at that point in time was airtime that he used to send me: N100 daily, 7 days a week. Well, in the process, this guy was really serious about marrying me but I refused. He then begged me that he wants to come and visit me. Luckily for him, I let him in and he took my cherry. After that experience, I hated him so much and I couldn’t fathom why. I told him that I never wanted to talk to him and till today I haven’t heard from him.

**

The guy from the salon started inviting me to see him in various places but at that point in time, I didn’t go to see him no matter how much he begged me. Then later on, I succumbed to his stupid begs and I went to see him in a compound so weird and I didn’t understand what he wanted to do. I was naïve. I went there and he literally raped me and told me that if I got pregnant, it wasn’t his and then I wasn’t happy with him and myself but he gave me some money I think it was to console me, I collected it and left. He told me again that he wanted to see me and I actually went again this time; I gave him permission to go on. This went on for almost 2 years and every time we were done having sex, he gave a very little amount of money.

Sometime in July, my cousin told another of my cousin about what he heard about me and from then, I noticed that my cousin was watching me too closely. I didn’t ask her why. If I were to buy something, she would time me and all. I didn’t suspect because I believed that what I had done was in secret and that nobody knew about it. My cousin out of anger told my mum what I had done and my mum confronted me, called me names asked me why I did it and I couldn’t answer that question (I really still don’t why I did it).

After all the confrontations, I resumed in Covenant University and met Pastor Ada Sonia and she spoke to me. Everything she preached about was as if she was talking to me directly. I gave my life to Christ so many times. Still, while I was in CU, my attraction to girls started again but it ended in my 2nd year. I was able to overcome it. During my 3rd year in school, I struggled with pornography and masturbation. I felt like I needed to talk to someone and I did. I told her and she told me that it’s only God that can tell me what to do and how to do it. I rededicated my life to God but I still went back.

In my 4th year, I resumed again with the same struggle and I talked to my friend again and she told me the same thing but this time she prayed with me and told me she would get back to me. I wasn’t able to get over it. I got back the next semester and it got to the height, I was ready to kill myself to let go of all these stress, strategizing how the fall would look like an accident. On the 17th of January, 2017, I was so sure that that was the end of me. I went around looking for people to talk to but all my confidants were not in the hall but for one reason or the other, I came back to my room and wrote a suicide note and slept off. Something happened on that day that made me kind of scared. I went to chapel that morning for Tuesday Chapel Service and then the Chaplain said something that hit me but I reluctantly left it, the dean spoke and related to the same thing, I went for my first class and the lecturer said the same thing, and at the beginning of the last class, the lecturer amazed me by saying the same thing. I don’t remember what they said but they were all in sync. I gave the note I wrote earlier on to my friend that has been helping me and she told me that she almost cried because the Holy Spirit had already sent her to me but she had been postponing and on the spot, she talked to me about a lot of things and asked me if I was ready to give my life to Christ for the last time and I said yes. I did give my life to Christ. I contemplated it for a minute or 2 knowing that if I step out of that place, I wouldn’t have thought about it again, I would have just been postponing it. By the time, she asked me to give my life to Christ, it was already past 12 on the 18th, January 2017.

*

Since that day, she told me to read my Bible more often and she also told me I already had a relationship with God, I just had to build it. God has been so faithful that since that day, I have been a very different person. Some people noticed and many didn’t. I met someone that has changed my mentality and also my way of thinking towards so many things. Love and all. I’m not saying I’m in love but I think I understand what it means to be a girl. I have been trying to change since that day. I’ve been making serious efforts towards it.

Today, I stand boldly to say that I’m the chaplain on my floor and also the captain of the female football team and I cannot readily say that I have been encouraged with the people that come for devotion but God is awesome and he cannot fail me. The 18th of February made it ONE month of me being in Christ and I haven’t had any iota of regret. Not even for a second.

GOD IS GREAT!

Well done! And yes, thank you so so much for reading.

Remember to share and comment and oh yes, respond to that pop up and subscribe if you haven’t. February Newsletter is just on it’s way (for subscribers only!)

Goodbye Royalty,

With Overflowing Love,

Alexandra Zion.

About the author
Christocentric. Academic. Writer. Poet

22 Comments

  1. I just read this and my heart still bleeds with so much Joy,
    because of Who Jesus is, How He is and finally O!!! He is.
    Rukky this is your story and I know that this Journey you’ve
    started will only go deeper and deeper in HIS LOVE.
    You’re Blessed dear
    @alexandrazion God Bless you and thanks for this privilege also.

  2. Hmmmmmm…… This is also my story, very very similar.
    I am a living proof that God has no abandoned projects, whatever he starts,he see to it that it is completed.
    He that began this good work in me and you is faithful to bring it to full perfection. Thank you so much sharing. I have not yet developed this boldness to share my testimony as deep as this, you have motivated me.
    God bless you

  3. Hmmmmmm…… This is also my story, very very similar.
    I am a living proof that God has no abandoned projects, whatever he starts,he see to it that it is completed.
    He that began this good work in me and you is faithful to bring it to full perfection. Thank you so much sharing. I have not yet developed this boldness to share my testimony as deep as this, you have motivated me.
    God bless you

  4. I owe thanks to Racheal Ifietekhai and Alexandra Omogbadegun for helping to open up and I also owe thanks to my mother and elder sister, Miss Ese Ujara and Mrs. Sherry Ujara, who have been providing for me. It has not been an easy journey but these 4 people made the change happen and I’m forever grateful to you all. God Bless You all.

  5. I’m speechless and I salute your courage in ur attempt to shame the devil by openly analyzing your shortcomings and disregarding public opinion. I’m inspired and motivated, God bless you and keep you stronger in the faith.
    It is important to take note of the need to have someone ure accountable to who constantly encourages you with the word of God and ensures ure on point for Christ at all times. This precious inheritance that u av gotten, u will not loose it IJN….

  6. Wonderful story and welcome to God’s family.
    Believe me the great things that will begin to unfold in your life as you have started this sincere walk with God will be those you never phantomed.
    God love has been made available for us and shed abroad in our heart.
    I pray that your love for God will help you come to experience how much He loves you.
    God bless you and you are welcome to The family once again.
    @alexandrazion lwell done, great work.

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