IWD 2019 || How Will I Know You Love Me?

Hello Royalty.

On Tuesday, Golden and I were talking. Golden is a man. I am a woman. We were talking about feminism, gender equality, equity, and what not. Our voices rose in a crescendo of arguments and fell in a symphony of agreements. He voiced his opinion on the ways in which feminists behaved and what they believed in. I showed him the back of my phone – the tag that says “feminist” in a nice italicized font. I explained that this is not just a tag. It’s a movement.

I explained that feminism is not a movement to be better than men. If anyone tells you that’s what it is, tell them they are wrong. So, I said, “The actual point is when Golden steps into a place and Golden is applauded, I want to step into that space and be applauded too.” I don’t want to be overlooked and spat at “BECAUSE I’M A WOMAN.” I explained that when my gender becomes a reason for someone’s actions towards me, then I am infuriated. Being a woman is not a reason.

Golden took his turn – he said he has been mistreated too. He explained a time when he was in the room with two other people – a man and a woman. He was trying to get a table fixed, but all his efforts seemed futile. The woman in the room asked to help, and she did it in less time than he could have imagined. The other man in the room then said, “Look at what you couldn’t do – a woman just did it.” He narrated another experience – he was eating an orange in public, and someone looked at him and said, “Why are you taking oranges like that? Are you a woman?” My face fell. I asked him, “Who are the people you know?” Surely, Golden has been on the receiving end too.

Photo Credit: Unsplash

We went on to talk about marriage. He mentioned the part of the Bible which says “Wives should submit to their husbands” and how people go against this in the name of feminism.

I smiled. I said, speaking from the vantage point of a Bible-Believing Christian, that if anyone went against this in the name of feminism, they really don’t know what feminism is. Feminism fights for the rights of women socially, politically, and economically. I asked him, “What makes a friendship work? Equality? Compromise? What?” He said, “The acknowledgment that both parties are relevant.” I nodded. Then, I said, “in a marriage, it is the blend of the husband and wife that will make the marriage work. The Bible did not ask a woman to submit to a man. It asks a wife to submit to her husband, and submission is not stupidity.” I also mentioned that being the head of the home does not make the husband better than the wife. It only makes him what he is – the head. How much more interesting it is that the head is no head without a body. The leader is no leader without a follower. If the marriage is an institution, somebody has to be on the platform. That does not make the body a doormat or an extension of irrelevance. NO.

This was where the symphony of our feminist orchestra came into existence. Feminism is not a label to be afraid of. If its meaning is clear, its only a channel for a better society. Don’t let anyone confuse you. The point of feminism is not to make the woman equal to the man. No, it is to see that the woman is appreciated and that she flourishes when and where she wants to flourish, not because “she is allowed”, but because “she can” and “she should.” I say without apology that one of my most disliked sentences is “The Future is Female.” The past has been male – mostly. The future is not male. The future is not female. The future is male and female and feminism will get us there.

Photo Credit: IWD

Here, I wrote a poem for us women:

How will I know you love me?

How can I tell that your words are indeed gentle as dove?
What assures your crocodile confessions?
What’s your patent?

When your tongue swirls from declaring permissions to articulating rights
Then I’ll know you love 
When you quit the thoughts that it is my place to give and yours to take
Then I’ll know you love
When you no longer gather to deny me an offer because of two kids and a husband 
Then I’ll know you love
When your eyes see a void in the board room and your hands call for my presence 
Then I’ll know you love 
When you understand in union that the head is no head without the body
Then I’ll know you love 

How will I know you love me?

Happy International Women’s Day! #BalanceforBetter

Goodbye Royalty,

With Overflowing Love,

Alexandra Zion.

About the author
Christocentric. Academic. Writer. Poet


  1. In a society where tradition, culture and religion has molded the day’s mannerisms, how can you uplift the female child? Where even from boarding schools, we see differences, from primary schools we see differences in education. How can Nigerian girls be made to believe that they are to be sharing rights with men when everything around them says contrary?
    In a religious and cultural world of male dominance, how, Alexandra, can we teach our girls to learn that they have a future and that they are the future?

    I believe in women empowerment the same way I believe in male empowerment. The domination of one without space for the other causes an imbalance in the whole system. The objective situation is that male is power. Is feminism trying to change that or subdue it? Sometimes I get mixed up with the different shades of feminism, Lol.

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